swingers, avon and the search for good friends

My husband and I are fairly isolated people friendwise.  So, we have been actively trying to fix that.  We have been searching high and low for another couple to hang out with, go to dinner with, and play video games with that sort of thing.  Perhaps it is just us, or maybe all the good couples are taken, but here is a chronicle of the weird encounters we have had during our search.

Couple 1)

I was doing the good aunt thing and took my niece and nephew off my sister’s hands for a few hours.  Whenever I get them the first thing they ask is what are we having for dinner.  No these children are not starving, they just love getting out of the house and eating out.  Plus they have the highest metabolisms of anyone I have ever met and eat constantly while still looking like baby models.  So, I took them to the only place in town that has a play place so that they could run wild and have a snack, McDonalds.  While they were running around being kids, the lady from the table over started talking to me.  I thought, here we go, maybe this is how people make new friends.  So, I tried very hard to be attentive and nice.  Yes, sometimes I have to try hard on those things, I think it’s the adult ADD or something.  Anyway, we talked for a while and she invites us to her church *urg* and possible play dates for her kids and my borrowed kids.  I decide that this encounter went well and say sure!  She gives me her card so that we can set something up, her Avon card (red lights should have been going off, but they weren’t).  Longish story short as I can get it.  I talk my man into trying this church *urg*, she wasn’t even there that Sunday *urg*, family emergency or something.  Then we find out her hubby and mine went to school together, a few weeks later we set up a dinner double date.   Whenever I told anyone about the my new possible friend they warn that she just wants a new Avon customer.  We go to dinner, have a great time, they re-invite us to church  *urg*, we nicely parlay that invite (and the hundred others to follow).  A few months later we decide to do dinner again.  To the same ends, have a nice dinner with a thousand tiny hints at how wonderful Avon is and how we should join their church *urg*.

Couple 2)

My man was Sr. class president so he is planning his class reunion this year.  He decided to hold a meeting, open forum style to find out what people are interested in.  Only girls show up, uncomfortable.  (I couldn’t be there, so just him and a ton of ladies)  After said meeting he is joking and chatting with this one girl, she suggests that we double dinner date.  He accepts.  I am excited by this news, round 2, we can do this, we can make some friends.  We go to dinner, her husband (a minister *urg*) is actually really fun.  He is outgoing and likes Dr. Who, so he and I have something in common.  We chat like old friends, with my honey chiming in every once in a while.  She sits there and kinda looks pissed off the entire time, even when I try to ask her questions and get to know her.  I back off, because I have that effect on people sometimes.  When I get nervous I get hyper and ultra talkative, it rubs some people the wrong way.  Whatever!  After dinner my man is confused, she didn’t act like that when it was just the two of them.  I suggest another dinner, perhaps she was in a bad mood from something else and it just ran through dinner.  A month or so later, we invite them to a dinner through our new club.  Basically the same thing happens, except she brings her best friend, too.  Her friend is fun and my hubby enjoyed chatting with her.  Her hubby wants to get together to watch the new season of Dr. Who with us and if it weren’t for her, the night would have been tons of fun.

Couple 3)

My hubby has lived in this town since he was 3.  He knows or is related to everyone here.  Which should make finding friends easy, but really doesn’t.  My man runs into this guy from his class who is married and has 2 kids.  In fact, we got them a present when they had their second child and I got to hold her when she was brand new.  It is decided that we will try hanging out together at their house on New Year’s Eve to play games and pig out on munchies.  I decide that this will be the best fit for us, we already have some ground work laid with the whole baby thing and the guys have known each other for a long time.  This should be easy, right?  We get together eat, drink, play games, play with the kids, all in all have a very nice night.  Then, he starts chatting with me through facebook when I am on.  Which is fine, he has been on my friends list for a really long time, so no biggie.  Only it turns out that he is also chatting with my hubby when I’m not on, also fine except they are joking (on my hubby’s part) about wife swapping and other naughty things.  As their conversation goes on and on my hubby realizes that he is the only one that is kidding in the conversation and tries to get out of facebook as quickly as he can.  He doesn’t want to make waves with this guy, just in case he is joking or something, so he finally removes himself from the conversation.  I know nothing of this when I wake up the next day and get on facebook to take care of my farm and kingdom.  He sends me a message right away, I talk to him for a little bit, not really focusing because I am busy.  Then, he asks if my hubby told me what they discussed the night before and how I felt about it.  I had to reread that, because I hadn’t even seen my man yet that day.  I tell him no, what’s he talking about.  He says never mind, which just sparks my interest.  Maybe I did something bad or said something stupid, so I push the subject.  And he says that last night he suggested to my husband that he could come over at 6am when I get off of work and I could beat his meat for him, as he so elloquently put it.  I was shocked.  I got off facebook asap and found my man just so I could say what the hell?!?  My man says that he thinks the guy really wants us to be swingers or for me to do naughty things with his wife.  OMG, are there no normal people left!?!

So, as you see, having and making friends is a horrid process.  If you are lucky enough to actually have a friend, treat them like gold, trust me you don’t want to be back in this market.  It’ s slim pickings at our age (27) and the only ones left just want something from you or are bitches.

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